The Story of Matt's Lost Ring

I'm going to tell you a crazy story about Matt "misplacing," as he calls it, his wedding ring, and then finding it again. Let me preface this with the story of why our rings are extra special to us, and you will then understand my feelings during this ordeal.

Matt and I made one another's wedding rings. We are not jewellers, and therefore we've had a couple of ... difficulties with this decision, but I'm still glad we did it. The rings were perfect for our wedding day, and I'm dealing with any imperfections a little better now than I did when they first occurred (I'll get to this later).

Matt made my ring from palladium, which is VERY sturdy, but very hard to work with. The solder he used was also difficult to work with. He started on the ring more than a year before we got married and finally gave me the finished ring two days before our wedding. The ring is a band with a rose-like flower that holds the diamond. It is modelled after a ring of my grandmother's. The way he chose to create the ring called for a lot of soldering of small parts together, and it was tedious and did not always go as planned. Until he started putting all the parts together, I wore the band as an engagement ring. But when it was done, it was gorgeous and very special. Worth the wait (like Matt ;) ).

I am even less skilled at making metal things than Matt, so I made his ring from iron in his grandpa's shop. He helped me cut a thin strip which we then hammered on the anvil into a circle, ground smooth, and soldered the thin opening between the two ends. It's nothing fancy, but it was something I could make.

Here are the rings on our wedding day:

As I said, they were perfect for the wedding, but mine was just not as sturdy as it needed to be for everyday wear. Really, the only actual thing that went wrong on it's own was that the diamond was loose within the prongs and after about a month, it fell out. Luckily I found it in the house right away. We left the diamond out for a while, but when Matt tried to put it back in and hammer the prongs down (with tools made for doing this), the prongs came loose from the solder joint. In trying to solder the prongs back in later, the rest of the solder melted (you have to get it EXTREMELY hot to solder it, and it is hard to pinpoint one small area on something already so small), and the rose became unattached from the band. For a while, I've been wearing just the band and we've decided to wait before trying to put it all back together because it is difficult with the materials Matt has, and also stressful. I think he wants to try something new in the future, and we've discussed getting a ring made to look very similar from a professional near our next anniversary. I'd be a bit sad not to wear the ring HE made for me, but I'd still wear the band he gave me, and I know in the future he'd like to try making a new ring for me from easier-to-work-with materials.

Matt's ring is sturdy - the only problem is that it can rust, not something you normally want in an everyday ring. So, he takes it off a lot when he is doing things where he'll get his hands wet. It is also a tiny bit loose (because he is a bit claustrophobic when it comes to wearing things), so he also takes it off to sleep and when working on things with his hands. We have a little dragon figurine whose tail is made for holding rings, and that is where the ring is supposed to go, but Matt sometimes just leaves it on the counter near where he is working, or occasionally puts it on the sink lip.

I promise I am getting to the story soon.

I have sometimes wondered if we should have just bought rings - it was a very stressful process hoping Matt could make mine in time, and then when he tried to fix it later ... but looking back, I'm glad we did what we wanted and made rings for one another. They may not have turned out perfect, but we can still remember the hard work we both put into making the rings for our wedding, and I have slowly decided that we could have rings made for everyday wear and still keep the old ones somewhere special, and they won't lose their importance for us. I think the story of our rings reminds me that even though we may not be able to make everything perfect for each other in life, we are still willing to put in effort to do what would make the other person feel most loved (because Matt's tradition of making me things makes me feel very loved), and likewise, we are both willing to look past the imperfections and find the value and beauty in each other.


OKAY HERE IS THE STORY in case you were getting bored and started scrolling down to see how long this would be.


I'm not even sure how long ago it was now - maybe a month, maybe two? - when I noticed I hadn't seen Matt's ring in a while. He doesn't really wear it at home, but I see it sitting around wherever he has temporarily stored it.

I asked him about it and he said he wasn't sure where it was, but thought he had just set it somewhere and he was sure it was in the house or at his parent's house (where we'd visited recently and done some things outside, so I guess he thought he'd taken it off for some reason there).

I was busy with a summer class at the time, but in my spare time I tried to clean up bits of the house, looking for it. I checked all his pants pockets and the washer and dryer. Not there. We looked everywhere with increasing desperation, at least on my part, over the course of a month. Matt checked at the house where he stays when he is away for work. Not there. I checked the bathroom and counters at his parent's house when we went there, even though I was sure if they'd seen it they would have said something. Not there.

I was starting to give up hope. I thought maybe Matt had set it on the kitchen counter and Llyr had knocked it to the floor and under something, but when I searched everything it could be under, it wasn't there. Then I thought maybe he'd left it on the sink counter in the bathroom and Llyr had knocked it in the small trash can next to the sink. After having spent a few weeks with it missing already, I knew that trash was long gone. I was sure the ring was gone forever.

I wasn't even sure how to think about this. I didn't want it to be true, and I just felt empty and distraught, but unable to even cry, when I thought about the ring I made for Matt being gone. I mean, it wasn't anything fancy, but it was special. Just like my ring was - even now, it is still special and I would feel devastated if I lost it.

I could go on about the worried thoughts that I tried to ignore for the most part because I really didn't know where else it could be .... but I'll get to the end of the story, which, thankfully, is happy.

We went to Matt's parent's house again a couple of days ago. Matt got out of the driver's side and bent down to get something from the back seat.

He said, "Elizabeth, you're going to want to see this."

I first thought it was maybe some weird or neat thing - like a Killdeer nest (Matt loves those birds), but he picked up something off the ground and started to come over to me on the passenger side.

I am bad about not trusting Matt when he brings over things in his hand. I'm always afraid it will be some bug or yucky creature. I asked it if was alive.

He said no, and then it clicked.

"Is it your ring?"

"Yes!"

I was SO relieved and happy.

The gist is that Matt must have had the ring in his pocket when getting into the car one time, and it fell out. For who knows how long, it had lain in the gravel part of his parent's driveway, unmoved. When he picked it up, it was wrapped around a small rock. Maybe someone drove over it or stepped on it and pressed the two together? Matt took the ring off the rock before taking a picture, but later really regretted not saving the rock as part of the crazy story. I'm just glad the ring is not lost forever.

The ring is a bit rusty now, and Matt has placed it on the dragon tail for safe keeping. I'm sure we can easily clean it up soon. We've now talked more about getting professionally made rings on a future anniversary so that Matt's can fit better and won't rust, and mine can be complete as it is supposed to be. But, I know we will still wear and keep the ones we made and treasure them forever.

We both just can't believe it was right there the entire time, and that Matt saw it there among the rocks, not even purposefully looking for it. He says a lifetime of looking at the ground to pick up coins and neat rocks prepared him to find it.

Review: Every Day by David Levithan

Mid-June, I read David Levithan's Every Day. I've been getting through several YA novels this summer that are on the state reading lists for the upcoming school year, and this was one of them. Sadly, I ended up not liking the book very much. I say sadly because I was really interested and excited about the idea of the book . . . but the execution did not appeal to me. You can find many other reviews on the book that give you a synopsis, but I'll give a short one here:

Narrator/main character "A" wakes up every day in a different body. A resides in each body for one day only, and usually just tries to fit into the person's regular routine and not shake things up. The reader follows A through a couple of months at age sixteen (A only wakes up in the bodies of people the same age as A). One day, A falls in love with Rhiannon, the girlfriend of Justin, a boy who A inhabits. A wants to try to keep seeing Rhiannon, but as you can imagine, A's situation makes this difficult. (Luckily A swaps between people usually within a few hours of one another.)

The idea was really neat I thought, and I wanted to see how the author explained how A would deal with the difficulties this kind of life would bring. I will not be too wary of spoiling things, so watch out.

Positives: The interesting idea. Each chapter is a different day, a different person, and there are a couple that are really touching in how A deals with the person's situation (for example, deciding to "interfere" and tell a suicidal girl's dad how she feels, when A usually tries not to interfere too often). And, the few "bonus" chapters at the end detailing some days before the novel starts were pretty good as a short story on their own.

Negatives: Almost everything else. Number 1, which most of the other reviews I read after finishing the book hit on as well, was that the narrator is too "preachy." Really, it sounded like I was just reading the author's thoughts instead of a distinct voice for A. The reason for this probably stems from the fact that author David Levithan is gay, and in this novel he makes a LOT of statements through A about tolerance and acceptance. Now, I'm not against those ideas being in YA novels. However, to me it felt like the author was telling me how to feel through his narrator, instead of letting me decide for myself or make a judgement based on the actions of the characters. Plus, there were some times when I just didn't agree with the main character's ideas on those subjects. That's my own personal opinion, I know, but it colored my reading, so I'll be honest about it here.

A is especially repetitive about convincing Rhiannon that A sees him/herself as neither a a boy nor a girl. I can understand the reasoning behind that, given that A switches between the two all the time. It is harder for Rhiannon to wrap her mind around this - which I can also understand, because living 16 years in one body would make it hard to understand. I imagine A as a boy, probably because A first appears in the body of Justin (Rhiannon's boyfriend), so even though the author probably would not like it, I'm going to call A "he" from now on for consistency and ease of writing. I noticed that a lot of reviewers also automatically called A "he" and did not mention that A sees him/herself as neither, so I felt like I at least wanted to mention this fact. (I do wonder if the love interest had been a boy rather than a girl whether I/others would have viewed A more as a girl.)

So, one thing that bothered me stems from the above point. When A meets up with Rhiannon in a girl's body (often going to great lengths and breaking that vow of not meddling with the body's life), it is harder for Rhiannon to show A affection. A seems to try to make Rhiannon feel guilty about this. That's bothersome. Rhiannon is clearly a heterosexual female, and has lived so for 16 years. Even if you agree (like A seems to think), that we should just "love who we love" regardless of gender or anything, that does not negate that fact that most people are attracted to one over the other, and it's not Rhiannon's "fault" that she feels awkward being with A as a girl.

Also, I don't like that A is so selfish. He tries to make it like he's not, but he is. This is realistic, but hard to read in the first person and still "like" the narrator. He falls in love with Rhiannon while in Justin's body and he just "knows" that Justin is a jerk and Rhiannon deserves better. A acts like he is far beyond his years, which I guess is believable considering the way his life has been lived, but he sounds pompous sometimes. Besides just seeing Rhiannon more often, then finally spilling his secret, he tries to persuade her to break up with Justin, and not even very subtly (maybe that's better, though). He pretends it is for her own good, and maybe it is because Justin kind of is a jerk, but clearly A is also being selfish. Then he wants Rhiannon and him to be able to have a relationship, and ignores how difficult this will be for her - she is clearly unsure about it and finally makes it clear that it just can't work, him trying to see her all the time and dragging all these bodies all over the place. She can see that this is selfish, and he only seems to see his desire for her. Ok, a couple of times he debates and maybe realizes that this is not fair to his hosts, and I will grant that it does not seem fair for A that his life has to be lived the way it does and he can't really have a stable family and friends - but another part of me was like, well, this is the hand he has been dealt and he is going to have to live with it, as cruel as that may be.

MAJOR END-OF-BOOK SPOILERS AHEAD

Towards the end, A wakes up in the body of a boy he deems a nice guy, and he asks Rhiannon to meet him and pretend it is their first date. He has, by this time, figured out how to sort of implant what memories he wants the body's real inhabitant to keep the next day. So, the boy A is in will remember meeting Rhiannon and going on a stellar date with her. That night, he basically tells Rhiannon to stay with this guy and start a new relationship with him. Yeah, he basically picks out a guy for her since he can't be with her. Weird, controlling, and silly.

Last, the final thing that made me most angry with this book. Here is a specific passage that may illustrate the preachy-ness and how the book is really not-so-tolerant-as-it-purports-to-be in some cases.

Day 6023: "Even before I open my eyes, I like Vic. Biologically female, gendered male. Living within the definition of his own truth, just like me. He knows who he wants to be. Most people our age don't have to do that. They stay within the realm of the easy. If you want to live within the definition of your own truth, you have to choose to go through the initially painful and ultimately comforting process of finding it."

Problems with this passage:

A) I have a more objective view of "truth." While I realize that some things we call "truths" can be subjective (say, I might say "Math is hard" and that may be "true" for me but not for someone else) I think "Truth" needs to be objective or how can we have it? So I'm not sure what A means, "the definition of your own truth." I guess he means that you could be born female, like Vic,  but feel that in "truth," you are male.

B) The bigger issue: I feel the author is basically saying that anyone who is cisgender (I think I am using that correctly: someone whose "mental" sex aligns with their physical sex, as opposed to transgender) is limited, scared, or wrong. As if because I was born female, identify as female, and am attracted to men, I am taking the "easy" path. I'm sorry, but this does not mesh with everything I hear about people being "born" the way they are, their identity and desires not necessarily up to them to "choose." Levithan's narrator says "find," I guess, but what does that mean? I have to go out and try everything out to figure out what I already knew about myself? And if I don't choose to do this or don't "have to do that" as he says, am I somehow inferior than those who did have to do so? I can understand that the types of people he is referring to go through a lot of angst and perhaps persecution for "living in their own truth" ... but I am offended by this passage that makes it seem like I am taking the easy (suggesting inferior) path.

Levithan may not have meant consciously to make his writing sound this way, but to me it does. I felt continually bombarded by A's thoughts and opinions without room to make my own conclusions. I think drawing conclusions rather than being told what to think or how to feel is important in a YA novel. Yes, in school we (I'm a teacher) guide students to understand certain readings of books, but hopefully we do so in a way that helps them make their own assumptions and conclusions. Plus, I hope most of us let them keep their own opinions about the story, even if to us personally that opinion is skewed or missing something. We present the ways of looking at the story, but we don't force them to change their beliefs or morals or opinions about situations. Levithan's book made me feel like I was being forced to listen to the narrator's beliefs on everything and like if I had a differing opinion, I was being stupid, like Rhiannon when she could not show affection to A as a girl as easily.

I was sad that a book with such an interesting and promising premise turned out difficult to read. I tried imagining that A, being a teenager, is just spouting his own ideas, like teenagers do, and it was up to me to look at him as a person with flaws (selfishness, rash action) as well as good things, and make my own judgements on what he said ... but at the same time I felt that despite the fact that A is flawed as a character, the author wanted me to completely agree with all his opinions. It's hard to explain this. I guess I feel like an impressionable young reader might just take the word of this narrator as gospel without really thinking about what is being said or who is saying it because it is said in a more eloquent tone of the "teenager that every teenager wants to be," smart, funny, witty, etc. Overall, I like the idea and one or two interesting or poignant chapters, but overall Levithan's writing and A's voice made it not enjoyable for me.