Time and Love in Pride and Prejudice and Our Love

As I am working on my 15-20 page paper for "Jane Austen and the Plight of Women," my Thursday night class, in which I am focusing on how timing is significant in Pride and Prejudice, I have been thinking a lot about quotes and events from the novel and came across some notes of my own and from sources yesterday that made me think.

Jane Austen is meticulous about time in her novels. My professor (who has been to England a ton of times, worked at Jane Austen's house, has met one of the scholars I am using for my research, has published countless articles about Austen--even one that I saw in my Jane Austen-inspired knitting magazine, and knows pretty much everything about Jane Austen and the time period) says that Austen is said to have sometimes used a calendar to plan out her novels. In poring over Pride and Prejudice with timing in mind, I've noticed specific dates, months, and times that I never noticed when just reading the novel for fun. Did you know that the Netherfield Ball took place on November 26? Mr. Bingley mentions the date to Elizabeth when they meet at Pemberley, recalling the last time he saw the Bennet sisters before his sudden departure from Netherfield. Austen also mentions specifically each month as it passes and records the number of weeks (and sometimes days) of events, trips, or travels. 

So, with all this attention to time throughout the novel, the lack of specific date becomes very apparent when Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth confess their love for one another at the end of the novel. Darcy says, "I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew I had begun." Interesting, since Austen "fixes" many of her other events and encounters with precision. Elizabeth tells Jane, "It has been coming on so gradually that I hardly know when it began." 

With our first year of marriage coming to a close soon, and the second about to begin, thinking about these quotes and Austen's attention to time really struck me. Like Jane Austen does in this novel, I often focus on times and dates. I can remember (and diligently wrote them down, so I could look them up if I don't immediately remember) the date we were engaged, the date Matt told me he loved me, the date we kissed, the date we first held hands (and also the events that were occurring during the first three or four times we actually did so ... for a while they were few and far between, seeing one another only twice a week), and the times and dates of many other moments in our relationship ranging from major to what might seem trivial. But, I do not have an exact date for when I realized I liked Matt in the first place. Liked, as in, was enamoured with him. I certainly remember feeling that way, and I can think back from the moment I finally did something about that feeling (asking him to my junior-year Christmas dance) quite a ways and still remember that feeling existing. The summer before the dance, on my first mission trip with our church to Colorado? Yes. During the spring of that same year, when I recall a sleepover with friends at which I told them I thought he was hot? Yes, definitely enamoured then. Earlier than that gets hazy, as I met Matt in late fall of my sophomore year. I wrote some diary entries early on in our acquaintance that mention him. The first ones said I thought he was quiet, but really nice and polite and sweet. Then I don't mention him again until I say, in May of 2006, that I like him and have felt that way a while. Looking back I'm pretty upset at myself for not keeping better notes (I wrote a diary entry, like, once a month at that point). I'm not sure exactly when my interest in him progressed to the aforementioned major crushing. There's not a specific date I can recall when I decided I liked him or suddenly realized that I liked him, unless it was set in motion after the first few times I interacted with him. That seems pretty crazy to think about - it seems ridiculous. But I think it might be true. It wasn't as if I was in love with Matt right away, but I think I was maybe just drawn to him like that, and I think it was for a reason. 

I'm a fairly strong believer in "soul mates." Now, the problem with that term is that no one defines it quite the same way. I don't mean I believe that without Matt I wouldn't be complete or that I couldn't possibly be happy with someone else. Nor do I believe that the idea of a soul mate means that everyone out there is meant to get married. I believe that one part of a successful marriage is working to make it work. And I think that there are probably multiple people out there who I might be compatible with or be able to get along with and work together with in a marriage situation. However, as a Christian I've heard time and time again that God creates each person uniquely and specifically, and I believe that, too. It's kind of hard not to see that we are all quite different from one another and each have our own special talents, motivations, and thoughts, as well as our own bad habits and areas where we need to improve (these, I think, are where we most often notice one another's differences). If that is the case, if we are all specially made, each created original by God . . . why could God not have also made another person out there, special and unique, who could complement those talents and motivations, and who could best help with those areas to work on? 

I'm not saying if I hadn't met Matt I would have been miserable with anyone else I chose to date or marry . . . but I do think we were meant to find one another. There are too many coincidences in the way our relationship played out for them to really be coincidences. And it makes me sad to think about what life would be like with anyone else, even if there are other people out there I could get along with. Thinking things like, "Well, if we hadn't met each other I could have ended up with another person and made it work" makes me feel weird, kind of depressed. And if everything does "happen for a reason," maybe our reason required our love story to play out the way it did. We were lucky to find one another on the first try - something I'd prayed and wished for (I also prayed for a long time while I fawned over Matt in silence that if we were meant to be, it would all work out) - and I think that was for a reason. Not everyone is so lucky, but I don't think that means those other stories weren't orchestrated by God - I think it means maybe they have an outcome or reason for the plot of their story, as well, that includes different trials or encounters. I don't know. This is where it gets complicated and hard to define. Either way, I believe Matt and I complement one another and that I wouldn't be as happy with anyone else. We still have our struggles and issues to work out, but, six years in, we continue to work through those struggles together, and we continue to love one another in the midst of them. Even though I can't pinpoint the date when it all truly started falling into place, I can pinpoint so many moments in our story that I treasure and am thankful for.