Time and Love in Pride and Prejudice and Our Love

As I am working on my 15-20 page paper for "Jane Austen and the Plight of Women," my Thursday night class, in which I am focusing on how timing is significant in Pride and Prejudice, I have been thinking a lot about quotes and events from the novel and came across some notes of my own and from sources yesterday that made me think.

Jane Austen is meticulous about time in her novels. My professor (who has been to England a ton of times, worked at Jane Austen's house, has met one of the scholars I am using for my research, has published countless articles about Austen--even one that I saw in my Jane Austen-inspired knitting magazine, and knows pretty much everything about Jane Austen and the time period) says that Austen is said to have sometimes used a calendar to plan out her novels. In poring over Pride and Prejudice with timing in mind, I've noticed specific dates, months, and times that I never noticed when just reading the novel for fun. Did you know that the Netherfield Ball took place on November 26? Mr. Bingley mentions the date to Elizabeth when they meet at Pemberley, recalling the last time he saw the Bennet sisters before his sudden departure from Netherfield. Austen also mentions specifically each month as it passes and records the number of weeks (and sometimes days) of events, trips, or travels. 

So, with all this attention to time throughout the novel, the lack of specific date becomes very apparent when Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth confess their love for one another at the end of the novel. Darcy says, "I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew I had begun." Interesting, since Austen "fixes" many of her other events and encounters with precision. Elizabeth tells Jane, "It has been coming on so gradually that I hardly know when it began." 

With our first year of marriage coming to a close soon, and the second about to begin, thinking about these quotes and Austen's attention to time really struck me. Like Jane Austen does in this novel, I often focus on times and dates. I can remember (and diligently wrote them down, so I could look them up if I don't immediately remember) the date we were engaged, the date Matt told me he loved me, the date we kissed, the date we first held hands (and also the events that were occurring during the first three or four times we actually did so ... for a while they were few and far between, seeing one another only twice a week), and the times and dates of many other moments in our relationship ranging from major to what might seem trivial. But, I do not have an exact date for when I realized I liked Matt in the first place. Liked, as in, was enamoured with him. I certainly remember feeling that way, and I can think back from the moment I finally did something about that feeling (asking him to my junior-year Christmas dance) quite a ways and still remember that feeling existing. The summer before the dance, on my first mission trip with our church to Colorado? Yes. During the spring of that same year, when I recall a sleepover with friends at which I told them I thought he was hot? Yes, definitely enamoured then. Earlier than that gets hazy, as I met Matt in late fall of my sophomore year. I wrote some diary entries early on in our acquaintance that mention him. The first ones said I thought he was quiet, but really nice and polite and sweet. Then I don't mention him again until I say, in May of 2006, that I like him and have felt that way a while. Looking back I'm pretty upset at myself for not keeping better notes (I wrote a diary entry, like, once a month at that point). I'm not sure exactly when my interest in him progressed to the aforementioned major crushing. There's not a specific date I can recall when I decided I liked him or suddenly realized that I liked him, unless it was set in motion after the first few times I interacted with him. That seems pretty crazy to think about - it seems ridiculous. But I think it might be true. It wasn't as if I was in love with Matt right away, but I think I was maybe just drawn to him like that, and I think it was for a reason. 

I'm a fairly strong believer in "soul mates." Now, the problem with that term is that no one defines it quite the same way. I don't mean I believe that without Matt I wouldn't be complete or that I couldn't possibly be happy with someone else. Nor do I believe that the idea of a soul mate means that everyone out there is meant to get married. I believe that one part of a successful marriage is working to make it work. And I think that there are probably multiple people out there who I might be compatible with or be able to get along with and work together with in a marriage situation. However, as a Christian I've heard time and time again that God creates each person uniquely and specifically, and I believe that, too. It's kind of hard not to see that we are all quite different from one another and each have our own special talents, motivations, and thoughts, as well as our own bad habits and areas where we need to improve (these, I think, are where we most often notice one another's differences). If that is the case, if we are all specially made, each created original by God . . . why could God not have also made another person out there, special and unique, who could complement those talents and motivations, and who could best help with those areas to work on? 

I'm not saying if I hadn't met Matt I would have been miserable with anyone else I chose to date or marry . . . but I do think we were meant to find one another. There are too many coincidences in the way our relationship played out for them to really be coincidences. And it makes me sad to think about what life would be like with anyone else, even if there are other people out there I could get along with. Thinking things like, "Well, if we hadn't met each other I could have ended up with another person and made it work" makes me feel weird, kind of depressed. And if everything does "happen for a reason," maybe our reason required our love story to play out the way it did. We were lucky to find one another on the first try - something I'd prayed and wished for (I also prayed for a long time while I fawned over Matt in silence that if we were meant to be, it would all work out) - and I think that was for a reason. Not everyone is so lucky, but I don't think that means those other stories weren't orchestrated by God - I think it means maybe they have an outcome or reason for the plot of their story, as well, that includes different trials or encounters. I don't know. This is where it gets complicated and hard to define. Either way, I believe Matt and I complement one another and that I wouldn't be as happy with anyone else. We still have our struggles and issues to work out, but, six years in, we continue to work through those struggles together, and we continue to love one another in the midst of them. Even though I can't pinpoint the date when it all truly started falling into place, I can pinpoint so many moments in our story that I treasure and am thankful for. 

Llyr Scare

For about an hour yesterday, I thought we'd lost Llyr forever.

Before we started eating dinner at 4:15 (normal for me on Mondays because I then have to drive to Warrensburg for class, but early for Matt. He came home early from work and was able to see me before I left), Llyr wanted to go out. He'd already been out two or three times and he'd been pretty good each time. He can escape the yard through one length of fence on the east side of the house, but usually he doesn't get far before I check and see he's out and go get him. He walks slowly and likes to look at things. This time, the last time he'd been out, he'd only just gotten into the side yard and was sitting by the neighbor's house, looking around. So when Matt said, "Llyr wants to go out, can he?" I said "Yes, I guess so."

Llyr desperately wants to be an outside cat. We indulge him by letting him the backyard sometimes. Usually he just watches the birds but sometimes he gets restless and leaves the yard.

We ate, and then around 4:25 I asked Matt to look out the window for him. Matt couldn't see him so he went out in the front to check. Usually Llyr just goes to the front yard, or the front of our neighbor's yard. The farthest I've ever seen him go is two houses to the west, where he sat under a neighbor's truck. But Matt couldn't see him anywhere, front or back. I grabbed Mr. Raccoon and took him out with me to look. In the house, Llyr always comes running if I squeak Mr. Raccoon. Outside of the house, if I walk around with him, I will usually find Llyr after a few minutes when he comes out from wherever he is to see Mr. Raccoon. He doesn't come over to me since he'd rather explore, but even the time he was under the truck he poked his head out to see why his favorite toy was outside, then I was able to get him.

We walked around the house, squeaking and looking, for several minutes. Now it was getting close to the time when I needed to leave for class. We got in the car and took a drive around the block, cursing the ridiculous amount of traffic in our residential neighborhood that made us speed up and have less time to look for Llyr. We couldn't believe he'd gotten so far in so short a time and was nowhere in sight. Matt said, "This might be the time he really got away for good."

Finally, it was time that I had to go. I asked Matt if he'd keep looking, and Matt said, "Sure ... there's just so many things to do." I got really hurt and mad at this and said, "Fine then, don't look anymore if you don't want to." I know Matt didn't mean to sound like he didn't care about Llyr, he was just commenting that, of course, Llyr would run off on a day when he'd had a lot of work and other things planned. But as I left I started crying. I was sure Llyr wouldn't come back, he'd just keep exploring and get lost. I prayed that he'd get hungry and come back safe.

On my way up to Warrensburg (wishing I could skip class but not able to, since I commute with someone), Matt called. He said he had kept looking for a long time but couldn't find him. I said, "If you want to do something else, that's fine." Matt apologized for sounding like he didn't want to look, and I said I was sorry I'd gotten upset and I knew he hadn't meant to sound that way. I wanted him to leave out food for Llyr but Matt thought then if he came back he might eat and then leave again. The worst part was I hadn't taken time to put our address on the back of Llyr's tags yet, so even if someone found him they wouldn't know where to take him, unless they thought to take him to the clinic where he'd gotten his rabies shots.

The whole time, I kept thinking what a horrible day April 8 was going to be from now on if Llyr really was gone. I have a journal that I've kept since the beginning of last year, and while writing in it the night before last, I'd looked ahead to last year's entry for April 8. Last year April 8 was Easter, and on that day my dog Indiana Jones, who I'd had for 15 years, was hit by a car. Well, she wasn't really hit we think, because she wasn't physically harmed. But, when the car went by she got scared and fell down, after which she couldn't stand up or move her legs correctly. We took her to the vet the next day and he said it seemed like she may have had something degenerative coming on slowly (it was hard for her to get up in the mornings) but the scare had made it progress quickly, and she wouldn't be able to get better. We had to put her to sleep. Matt came on his lunch hour to be with me and Indy. 

Indy was a great dog. I got her when I was 7 years old. Even though Llyr is technically Matt's first pet, I felt like Indy kind of was, too. Indy barked at Matt the first couple times he came to my house, but after that she fell in love with his wonderful pets and scratches, and he loved her too. When he played with her I knew Matt was a pet person. She was a crazy Jack Russell Terrier who bossed around my family's other dog, Chipper, an Australian Shepherd, and licked the wall when she got nervous. But she was loving and playful and the best dog ever. I miss her a lot, but I'm glad I got to have her for so long.

Thankfully, Llyr wasn't really gone forever. Matt called a second time around 5:30 to tell me that he'd "found" Llyr. Matt had decided to plant some seeds. He said he squeaked Mr. Raccoon for a long time, but didn't see Llyr. But when he got down to plant, all of a sudden he heard a jingling sound, and as he looked around, Llyr appeared from behind the pew sitting against the wall of the house on the concrete pad in our backyard. Thank goodness he called, because otherwise I wouldn't have been able to concentrate on class. Matt had to tell the neighbors he'd alerted that Llyr had been in the backyard the whole time. Matt said he knew something was up because Llyr never strays that far ... but I don't know what happened. I guess he was asleep and didn't hear the squeaking? Or he was being terribly mean and hiding from us. Either way, I was ready to get home and love on him and scold him for hiding from us. You can bet now I'll be engraving his tags and not letting him outside without supervision for a while. It was a horrible scare. Matt joked that without Llyr we would have time to do more stuff - but really it's not Llyr that takes up our time, but work and homework. Without him our things wouldn't get destroyed as much. But as Matt said more seriously, without him our little family wouldn't be complete. How could we be "Matt and E and kitty makes three" without our precious kitty? I'm glad he's back and I hope that, like Indy, we can have our dear Llyr for at least 15 years, too.

That night as I wrote in my journal that thankfully Llyr wasn't gone forever, I looked at the quote at the top of the page. It is a Jane Austen-themed journal with a quote from a novel or correspondence on each page. April 8 reads: "Do not give way to useless alarm; though it is right to be prepared for the worst, there is no occasion to look on it as certain." Matt said I should take that to heart. He's right, I am worried and anxious too much. And perhaps I shouldn't have thought it was so certain that Llyr was gone - but the thought that it might have turned out that way is scary and painful. I don't know what I'd do without my kitty Llyr.

Here are some recent pictures of Llyr being cute in honor of him not actually having run away from us:

Llyr loves, loves, loves his new crinkle-tunnel.

Look I'm a puppy, scratch my belly ... NOT! *bite*

Still thinking he's meant to be a wild outside cat.

Writing About Controversial Issues in Composition 1

I had a student who missed several classes due to a car accident email me about a topic for a paper for which the due date was coming up soon, but which I had said I'd take a bit late with no penalty due to the circumstances. He said "... I did my compare and contrast paper on abortion. Was that an okay topic to do since I never really got time for you to go over with me my topic?"  

Oh boy. I had already mentioned earlier in the semester to at least one student that they should not do their definition paper on that very topic and that there are several topics that professors don't really like to see as paper topics. That student asked if it was because the topic was controversial. I said, "No, it is not that so much. You are in college; you can write and talk about controversial stuff if you want, but many of those topics, such as abortion, have already been discussed by so many people that everything there is to say has really already been said. It's hard to come up with original or significant new thoughts, and professors want you to try to do that." There are some topics that fall into the "controversial issues" category that are more acceptable for writing about because they haven't been beaten to death, but abortion is one that is usually discouraged.

I thought I kind of addressed this idea to the class, but perhaps this students missed that or just didn't remember. I basically replied to him with the same answer, that I was sorry if he'd gotten very far on the paper but that the topic was notorious for being difficult to write a really original, significant paper about and perhaps a different topic would be better. 

(I just noticed too that he said "Hello Elizabeth" in his greeting. I don't really like that. I don't even call my professor/colleagues by their first name. One of my GA friends said she had a student who called her by her first name too and it bothered her. I see why ... it's weird, like we are buddies or something. I don't feel it is professional. Anyway, that's beside the point and I won't be commenting on it unless it becomes a habit.)

So, that was all figured out, but then I realized the student had already sent me an outline of his first topic, which would now change, of course, but I went ahead and looked at the outline. And here was the proof that topics such as abortion are not great topics for Freshman Composition 1 students to choose for compare and contrast or other papers.

His outline read:

Abortion

a) how people with different experiences might perceive the same subject - prolife & prochoice

Prolife: people who are against abortion, often based on religion. Many people are totally against it at all cost even for health reasons & others want it only to be allowed for health reasons.

Prochoice: people who are for the woman's right to decide over her own body & have an abortion if she chooses. Very few think it is "okay" after the fetus is viable (7 weeks)

b) how two different types of people might view the same event - religious catholic vs. non-religious

c) the way your own perspective has changed about something due to experience

I was born a catholic so my views on abortion are suppost [sic] to be against (prolife). However, I believe it is the woman choice as long as the fetus is not viable. I believe if the child is going to be holy God would have him sent to a family who wouldn't consider abortion. 

[Then there was an arrow pointing to this last line ... I'm not sure whether he meant to point to "child" or "family" or the whole bit, but the note read: "Like Mother Mary."]

The first thing I thought was: What does that mean? ... Are you saying that since you were sent to a family who did not abort you, that you are holy? Or that children who are aborted are not holy or couldn't be? What does it mean for a child to be holy? [I think believers are considered holy by being obedient to God.] Are you comparing yourself to Jesus by mentioning Mary? Like "that kind" of holy? Or some other kind?

To make my original point - this is why such topics are not a great idea. I've heard everything in A and B, and C just sounds confusing, though I'd like to know what he is really getting at. I know I couldn't state my own views on the topic in my comments, I could only perhaps ask him what others might say to his argument, and I certainly wouldn't count off this student's final paper if he had views different than mine (an obvious big no no), but it looks like he'd have a really hard time getting clear, in-depth ideas from what he has so far, and it would be hard to count off for that without sounding like I just disagreed with him. Granted, this in only an outline, and it follows the prompt to an extent (about comparing and contrasting either how two people might view the same event, or how experiences may change your point of view), but students often write about plenty of other topics that could have real depth that they still leave at the surface level, so it's hard to imagine this going further than every other argument for or against this topic that we hear so often.

What made it stand out was the last paragraph - I guess it's true I haven't really heard anything phrased quite like that before, but I'm not sure that could have turned into a very convincing argument either.