I come to you, readers, few as you may be, in search of not so much an outlet as a loudspeaker for my anger. This morning after my first class of the day, Psychology of the Adolescent, I was fuming. Throughout the day my anger fell to more manageable levels, as can be expected when one has three more classes to get through, in two of which I had midterms. But though I had to put aside my rage to concentrate on these other matters, I tried to hold on to some of that feeling so that I could call it back up later. This is because I think that what I am angry about is completely justified and in fact worthy of being angry about. So, in writing this, I am hoping that what often happens when I write my emotions down does not this time. Usually when I am really angry and I write about that anger, some of those feelings go away, which is often a good thing. This time, I am hoping not to forget how offended and frustrated I am right now, but also be able to put it into coherent words that I can possibly use later, or at least have for reference.
Now that you are wondering what invoked the rage of this 5 foot 2, 100 pound redhead, I guess I should get to the story. I'd already begun to be unhappy with my Psych of the Adolescent professor because he uses the word "paradox" incorrectly, our last test had several questions over things in the textbook that were never mentioned in class, and because the test also had about 5 questions worded only slightly differently over the exact same term. Also, we'd watched two videos in that class, one of which classmates and myself agreed was irrelevant and awkward. The first video we watched actually had something to do with adolescents across the world, and was relevant to the chapter we were studying. The second video, however, was one of two BBC videos on puberty in boys and girls. We watched the girl one, thank goodness.
We watched the second video during a chapter over the social changes that adolescents go through. However, the video focused more on the biological changes of girls. The worst part was that at one point, there was actual video footage of a woman's chest, developing from pre-puberty through adulthood. Needless to say, even though I am in college, I was a little embarrassed that our class was all watching the development of a woman's breasts. But, this video looked at puberty fairly scientifically, and had other parts about what goes on with a girl's hormones during puberty, so I was not completely angry with that being shown. I did feel that it was uncalled for though, as it was sprung on everyone without warning and even though I am a girl, I was certainly not okay with seeing that. I can't imagine what it would have been like if we had been watching the boy version of the video ... although, I'd like to think that it would not go so far because between the two, breasts are admittedly a little less "graphic" than the male genitalia. Still, two classmates and I (one of them being a male himself) all agreed that we thought the video was irrelevant to the chapter we were currently studying and was pretty awkward to watch in class. And we didn't even discuss either of the videos after watching them, and nothing from them was on the quiz.
If it had ended there, I would not have been so angry as I am now. But today, we took notes for 20 minutes and then watched another video. Again, this video was about only girls. So, although I admit I would not want to watch an equivalent video about the biology of males during puberty, I began to think that maybe the person who chose these videos was being a little biased. It was suspicious, at the very least. This video, again, had nothing to do with the chapter we are currently studying, which has to do with family relationships and adolescents. The video was mainly about a) pressure girls feel to have sex, b) girls needing someone to talk to about their changes, and c) a double standard that everyone already knows all about. This double standard, of course, is that fact that guys are seen as "manly" or at least "normal" if they sleep around, whereas girls are seen negatively. There were interviews with teenage girls about this and the word "slut" was used, I'm sure, 50 times or more. The part that made me furious, though, was that the first 10 minutes of the video were thus: 2 minutes of some female psychologist talking about girls and adolescence followed by about a minute of video footage between each bit of dialogue. The footage was almost exclusively lengthy clips zoomed in on a woman's breasts (with a shirt or bra on) or that of two people making out. I don't know how these clips had anything whatsoever to do with anything the speakers were saying. What's more, I felt like I wanted to stand up for the years of women's rights advocacy that I thought had done something to stop the objectification of women, which is all I think these clips managed to do. There was absolutely no relevance to the subject matter in the video, and it had absolutely no relevance to our current chapter in that class. Again, I felt awkward and almost sick to be watching something so irrelevant and so offensive in class. I decided that "offended" is, in fact, the right word to describe how I feel about being shown a film that had no relevance and half of which was footage of a woman's chest.
So during this entire video I decided that I was going to say something after class about all the things I have already written, which at that point were neatly organized in my head, ready to be barked out with authority to chastise my teacher. Sadly, things rarely work out the way you plan them in your head. After class he stood up from his chair to go turn on the lights, and I had this sudden fear of him leaving without me getting to say how I felt. So I rushed up front by the time he'd gotten back to collect his things from the desk. I said, without any pretense, in the strongest voice I could command at the time, "Hey, are we going to be watching any more of these videos?" He replied that there were about 3 more. It was at this point that I realized that when I get very upset (which I was), I feel like I am going to cry. I could feel my eyes wanting to water and my voice had gone into that tone that was dangerously near cracking. I want to remind you, readers, that I was by no means sad. I was furious. I was enraged. But I'm sure I looked like I was going to start bawling. Worse, there were several other students still in the room who got to see my outburst and looked at me through most of it like I was crazy. But, never mind my embarrassment. On with the story.
I told him (in words I cannot exactly remember now) that I felt these videos didn't have anything to do with what we were currently learning and that I didn't want to watch stuff like that. None of the great points I made earlier about sexism, or offensiveness, or even much more about irrelevancy came out of my mouth. His answer was that there were only a limited amount of videos that had to do with all the chapters in the book, so that's what we were watching, and that next time we watched one I could always leave if I wanted to. Looking back, I wish I had said, "These only cover the first chapter about biological changes, so that is not a good reason!" But I didn't. I did say, in the most rude tone I could muster (rudeness being my last hope at making a point), "Well, then that's probably what I'll do," and I turned and left, trying not to burst into angry tears all the way down the hall. At the end I met the two classmates I know of who agree that these videos are worthless, to which I told I was mad enough to want to punch something. The guy asked if I had scared our professor. I replied that I wished I had. Then we discussed our displeasure over the videos and reasons for that. The guy said, somewhat jokingly, that he felt like he was being forced to become a "lecherous old man," watching all these videos with girl's chests superimposed on the screen. I put this in here to show you that it is not just me and also not just women who were offended by these videos. There are some decent guys out there who don't want to watch stuff like that.
Anyway, I walked away upset and embarrassed, but by now I am mainly just mad. And I'm going to try to keep some of that anger tucked away for the next time we watch one of the videos. I plan to stay maybe 5 minutes, to make sure nothing relevant or interesting is being shown, and when I inevitably see that it is just the same as the others, I am going to unleash that anger by loudly, slowly, and disruptively getting my things together and walking out. Maybe some of my classmates will follow me in defiance. I would love it if the whole class left and our professor was left sitting there looking like an idiot. That probably won't happen. I may be the only one. Or, the next videos we watch might actually be relevant ... though if they follow the trend that is unlikely. Either way, I feel justified in this frustration, so by writing this less-soft strain I am not trying to write away my anger, but rather to put it into coherent logic that I can possibly use if we get to do a course evaluation for this class, to which I will definitely attach this.
Until then, readers.
P.S.: To my two friends in that class who helped me vent out the worst of my anger, thank you for listening and agreeing.
