Awesome Teaching Moment

I've posted at least once before about teaching experiences and crazy student papers. But this time, I'm going to share some of the good moments, and a few reasons why the last couple of days have done a lot to convince me that I can, in fact, be a teacher.

Much of the time I was in college getting my Bachelor's in English Education, I had a nagging worry that maybe I wasn't meant to be a teacher. Mainly it was paranoia, not founded on anything much. Part of it was that everyone else always seemed to have these great reasons why they wanted to be a teacher ("I was helping tutor one time and just seeing that moment when the light clicks on in a student's eyes made me want to be a teacher" . . . etc). I can understand those sentiments and had them to some degree, but I never really had a "moment" when I knew I wanted to be a teacher. I think the first time I decided I might want to be a teacher was in maybe the fourth grade, when I was really into writing stories about my friends and I and had decided I wanted to be an author. A couple people (like my parents) told me that it is hard to just "start out" as a writer, so I should think of another job to have first while getting into the writing career. I decided teaching English was the second best thing, as I'd still get to work with writing. As I grew up, I realized it also allowed me to have a job that required me to read and discuss literature - how could you go wrong with that?

Even after student teaching and my first semester of graduate assistant-ing, both of which did a lot to making me feel more comfortable with teaching and gradually made me feel like I could possibly do this for life, I still hadn't had many real "moments" when I said "I am meant to be a teacher," or "I really can do this." I had a couple times when students said they benefited from a one-on-one conversation when I helped them with papers and a few students who seemed to enjoy the class or said they liked certain readings or activities, but that was about it. The rest of my teaching experience so far has been fine, I think, but maybe bordering on mediocre, not spectacular.

But in the last couple days I've been on a teacher-high after several back-to-back incidents occurred. On March 26, I had a student in my second class of the day say she liked my class, even though she doesn't "really like English." The classmate next to her asked if I also teach Comp 2. I don't, but I was probably beaming when I recommended a colleague who I think has great rapport with students. Finally, at the end of class, one of the better writers I have who was an English Minor (I think Philosophy Major?) told me she had decided to switch to English as her major and was excited to be a teacher or editor one day. I gave her a high five. I left school Tuesday feeling like I really could make a difference and so glad to know that my class apparently isn't just a boring, get-through-it Composition class. I hope that by liking my class (and me as a teacher) those students are also learning effectively and finding it easier to pay attention. 

So, there were those few moments Tuesday, and then another conversation on Wednesday that I feel went very successfully and again made me feel like a real teacher. It requires some background information about a previous email conversation with the student.

Several weeks ago, I had this student email me about the upcoming rewrite paper, for which the students would look at the comments from their first two papers and decide which paper to rework as their third paper. The point is to show that you can always improve your writing and to work on revising and adding depth to what had previously been turned in as a "finished" paper. I had already given them grades for paper #1, so they could take their grade into account for that one, but I had not told them the grade for the second paper, hoping that they'd take more than just the letter grade into account between the two. Most of the students actually did what I hoped and told me they were going to do the paper they felt they spent less time on or were more interested in improving. 

However, I got this email from one student [P.S. any edits to emails and chats will be shown in brackets, otherwise it is word for word]:

"Hello Ms. C, You wrote a lot of information which is too complicated to me. anyway, I will rewrite the paper which has lower score.  So I need to know the second paper score first. Thank you."

This student is an international student. I feel I should say that at this point to explain why the grammar is non-standard (although some of my regular students do that too). Here was my reply:

"Well, I would prefer you not just pick which paper to rewrite based only on grade - although wanting to improve the one that needs more improvement is a good choice. I will let you know what you got on the second paper. 85/100.  You had many good aspects of [the topic of] friendship in the paper, examples are good but [. . . more information about how to improve and that I would be willing to explain comments in detail and look over her paper once more too . . .]. Let me know which and send a copy and I will try to look over it first thing tomorrow for you and get it back to you early tomorrow."

Previously, when this student had gotten her first paper returned with a 43/50 (86%), she had said the score was "too low." I kind of laughed the comment off and pointed out why I marked it down and said that as she continued to work on papers, her work would probably improve. As someone who also cares a lot about getting good grades, I was glad that this student seemed motivated to get an A if she could (although of course I want there to be intrinsic value as well as extrinsic). I feel (and my GA supervisor agrees) that I am actually pretty lenient on papers. I am trying to be more fair this semester and really look at whether papers are college-level writing. I did take into account this student's language barrier but also looked at the clarity and depth of her ideas. Her reply to me:

"I will rewrite the second paper. Anyway, will you give the points back if I rewrite is good essay. I don't care how much I learn, I just need to get A for this class. This class will not be very useful when I go back china. But It will effect my GPA for go to graduate school. Anyway, how will you grade you third essay? Is that base on the second essay give some points back or it will be give in different score."

My jaw dropped at this point. "I don't care how much I learn, I just need to get A for this class." For future and current students, some advice: NEVER EVER tell your teacher you don't care about her class but ONLY want to get an A in it and that it will not help you in the future. First of all, even if you don't think so, the University obviously thinks you need this class to graduate, so there must be some reason they require you to take it. I wasn't sure whether this student realized how rude this was or just didn't care. I know a lot of my students only care about getting a good grade and getting Composition over with. But they normally do not say that to me in so many words. I was also spitefully thinking: Well, obviously you do need this class with grammar like that, and Why did you come to study in America if you don't think the classes at this school will benefit you in China? I was feeling really mean. But, I think I replied professionally, but with just enough bite to try to get the message across (Spoiler Alert: Unfortunately, I don't think at this point the message did get across):

"No, the rewritten paper will not give back points to the second paper. It is a separate grade, one of the 6 papers we will write this semester. However, getting a good grade on the third paper will still help raise your grade overall, as well as will learning the material for class and doing better on successive papers. The point of the rewrite is to show that even "finished" papers can often be improved upon and to work on the revision and editing process. In graduate school, students sometimes rewrite papers they turned in a few months earlier in an effort to make the paper acceptable for publication later. 

I'm sorry you don't feel that this class will be helpful when you return home. I feel that practicing effective writing and communicating is helpful for every student and a desire to learn as much material as possible, even if it may not be for a class in your "major" focus area, will help you do better in all areas of life, academic and in the future. More than anything, I hope you will continue to work hard and try your best to learn the material because this class will not be an easy A if you don't learn the material, as each paper will build on concepts of effective writing that we will learn throughout the semester. There will also be some tests that are multiple choice, so not only should you focus on better writing skills, but also understanding the terms and concepts that lead to effective writing, as we will have a couple tests over those terms and concepts. 

If you send me a [digital] copy of your paper #2, I will transpose the comments I made on your hard copy to the [digital] copy and send it back to you so that you can work on it over the week. Otherwise my comments will have to be pretty general, but with an [digital] copy I can point to specific mistakes or suggest ways to make the paper better. Good luck as you work on your rewrite, and I hope by the end of the class you will have learned at least a few things that will be useful to you in the future."

Bam. Perfect teacher-reply.

"Hello Ms. C, I have attached my paper in the attachment. I need to know how can I change my paper so I could get A for that essay.  What is your require for the A paper? I don't like that after I change the paper, I still get 43/50. anyway,thank you for feel free take a look it my essay. [Signature]"

Crap. I spent thirty minutes typing up and looking over that email and making it perfect only to have her totally miss the point. *Sigh.* Well, I was disappointed and, man, did I really want to say to myself, "Well, I'm not giving her an A now!" but I refrained and promised to be fair, looking at how much she would improve the paper. I even showed the rewritten paper to my GA supervisor to get her opinion and we both agreed that the rewrite was somewhat better, but still not A-quality work. I ended up giving it a higher B but not quite an A. Subsequently, the student has asked me to look at paper #4 about 7 or 8 times trying to do better this time around. It is tedious and a bit annoying for me, but at the same time, I'm glad she is trying to improve and even if it is motivated by grade alone, at least she is improving, and I am ready to give extra help to students if they need it. She also Google-Chats me a LOT if she sees I am online to ask about the paper or tell me she's sent me another new copy. Here was our conversation on Wednesday:

Hi, Ms C, 

I sent you my paper yesterday did you see that

  

Hello - yes, I haven't actually looked at it yet - I got home late last night after doing taxes with my husband. I plan to look at your paper in a little while, after I edit  a paper that is due tomorrow

Now I didn't get an email for this one - did you share a new one or one you had already shared with me before?

   
    I send one in google drive yesterday

  

    Oh, I see it now. Gotcha

  

    Ths

    [. . . ]

    Ok, when you want, you can look at your paper. I have looked it over and made comments.

    thank you.

  

    no problem

  

    For that paper, Can I get A or not?

      

   >:( . . . What? Really? Did she seriously ask me that? I don't feel like I should disclose what I think this paper might earn because then she'll expect that. But, it is MUCH improved and I think looking at her process alone, based on the first three papers up to this one, I probably could feel justified giving it at least a 90% because she is obviously making a great effort to improve and do well. Ok, here goes:

    I'd say you are very close. Make sure to keep looking over it in peer review and on your own to polish it up - don't just say "well, i'm close enough, now I'm done," but I'd say if you look at it for grammar fixes and take into account comments from your peers tomorrow to also improve it, then you will probably be able to get there

When I shared this story with Matt and read my reply here, he said "High five, that's a great response!" I felt proud and teacher-y. I felt like I gave her hope without saying "Yep, you're there, you can be done."

  

    I think you get too high expectation for students since you are a new teacher

  

    I think sometimes students have too low expectations of themselves and what they can do.

  

        BAM! Another good teacher answer. Maybe a little harsh, but I was also a little miffed at her still only caring about the grade and then thinking that I have too high of expectations when I feel I am often really easy on them, and especially when her previous papers really were pretty full of grammar errors and unclear, undeveloped thoughts that were a good start, but certainly not A-quality. I felt so proud that with this comment I was being tough and telling her not to be lazy, but also saying that I expected more from her and believed in her.

   

    For an International students, you expect too high. I am not nation American

I don't think you deal with international students before

  
        It is good for me, but I had very hard time. This paper I change at least 4 times now

    You are correct, I didn't have any last semester, however, I have talked with my GA supervisor as I have 7 international students this semester, and I wanted to make sure how to take their language barrier/etc, into account. I do take into account that there will be some grammar issues in those papers, but I also take into account your depth of ideas and the amount of work you put in. Although I know you were not happy with your first couple paper grades, I can tell that you are working very hard to do better on this paper, and I think your grammar is much improved and your ideas are MUCH clearer and much deeper. I realize you are working hard and I also take into account your process as your write, and seeing your paper so many times shows that you are working hard on it and trying to improve it, and I think this time you'll be able to get a grade you'll be happier with.

  

    but to be honest, when you give us the hard time, I also improve a lot. At least right now I can make my sentence clear. I know how American's level is that. As a chinese, it was really difficult to me to explain the idea very clear. One of charactist[ics] of chinese [is] we like to jump the idea. We are not step by step. but in US, i have to.

Wow. "When you give us [a] hard time, I also improve a lot."

It was hard for me.

When I was in English program, I even don't need to work hard like this, then I get A. But I feel that I didn't improve anything about writing for about one year.

   
            Well, now I feel really successful! She basically said my being tough helped her improve.

    This semester I feel that I learn a little bit since you give me the hard time. But for the international students. You need to tell us what kind of problem is that and how can I work on that. Otherwise I don't it because I usually don't have American thinking.

and thank you very much. I think I learn a lot from this paper.

just tell you. It was hard

Yes, I see.

    I'm glad you feel you are improving and I hope that will be beneficial to you in your future classes and in life. I will try to do better on telling you and other students exactly how to fix the problems so you can improve. Thank you for your honest comments, that really helps me a lot - I know it was hard, and I know you worked hard to improve. I'm really proud that you stuck with it and I'm glad to see you are doing so much better.

  

    And reading part is also very difficult to me. When you read in Class, I could not catch the meaning quickly. I can understand when you talking the powerpoints,but when we saw the story, it was too hard to understand.

I think a lot of International students have this problem.the other my chinese friends also have this problems too.

  
    I know I do read fast - I will try to work on slowing down and also making sure to explain what I've read or what we read after we go through it.

  

    thank you very much. I hope what I say today will not embrassed you. If I am embrass you, i am sorry.

  

    Let me know too if there are any specific times I go over something you don't catch - I ask sometimes but I know other times I get going quick - don't be afraid to raise your hand if you want a little extra clarification, or if you don't want to do that, you can ask after class too. You didn't embarrass me, don't worry.

  

    Ok, thank you. I will see you then. I have class in 5 minutes

see you. bye

  

    See you and good luck in class!

Ok, so she still may be mainly motivated to get an A, but she seems to realize that she has improved and that the class is beneficial, and that my being "hard" helped her challenge herself. The comment about getting an A this time around really annoyed me at first, but as our conversation went on I felt like if this student who really didn't seem to care about this class at all previously and even went so far to say it wouldn't help could now realize on some level the benefit of working hard in the class - well, that made me feel like a pretty good teacher. Of course, I know I still have things to learn and to improve myself, as is clear by our conversation. I need to work harder at making sure international students and ESL students are getting everything and make sure I clearly point out what mistakes they make and how to fix them. And sometimes I need to slow things down. 

But between the three students in class on Tuesday and seeing some progress in the attitude and motivation of this student who'd really irked me earlier in the semester, I was feeling pretty darn good and thinking that my choice of career was not the wrong choice.

   

Llyr's Friends

Llyr's stuffed animal friends recently got a new home when I made a kitty toy bag for him.

While putting all his friends away since company was coming over, I was thinking about the relationship Llyr has with each of his friends. I decided for posterity's sake to make a note the different ways Llyr shows his love for his toys.

Mr. Raccoon

Mr. Raccoon is by far Llyr's favorite friend. He was one of Llyr's earliest toys. If one of us squeaks Mr. Raccoon and throws him, Llyr will almost without fail rush to him and attack, usually with teeth chomping and back feet vigorously kicking. You might not think of this as showing "love" for his friend, but Mr. Raccoon is certainly the toy that gets the most consistent attention from Llyr. He is now matted beyond repair (I tried to wash him unsuccessfully). Once, when Llyr got out of the back fence and we were searching frantically for him, I tried squeaking Mr. Raccoon outside and Llyr came running from out of nowhere within seconds.

Ms. Kitty

Any time we had a "father figure" and "mother figure" cat in our small outdoor cat family at my parents' house, the daddy cats inevitably got called Mr. Kitty by me while the mother cats were Mrs. Kitty - I'm not sure why, because they all had perfectly good names ... I just liked calling them that sometimes as a nickname. So, when my mom brought this stuffed animal for Llyr, she became the Ms. to his Mr. When Llyr would sleep on the orange pallet I made for him, I'd often lay Ms. Kitty next to him to see if he would snuggle with her. Usually,  he'd just end up pushing her out of the way, but he never really attacked her, even when I rolled her around trying to provoke him. Now, Ms. Kitty lives in Llyr's kitty-cage-palace-bed and he doesn't seem to mind. He curls up however he pleases, using her as a snuggle-buddy or pillow, whichever she happens to become once he is settled in.

Mr. Monkey

As you can tell by now, though Llyr's name is pretty awesome and original, we didn't worry about taking so much time thinking up original names for his friends. Mr. Monkey was given to Llyr for Christmas by someone in our family. He is kind of like a tolerated friend who sometimes gets a little affection if Llyr is really feeling up to it. Usually if I throw him or try to play with him, Llyr will just run over to see what I threw and then walk away, maybe nuzzle him for a moment or sniff him, but usually not really play with him much. However, the other night Matt was holding Mr. Monkey near Llyr's crinkly tunnel and Llyr came over and sort of gave him some soft nips and kisses. He certainly won't attack him as readily as Mr. Raccoon.

Mousey

This Mousey is actually Mousey #2. The first mouse was brown and Llyr loved chasing him ... but I don't know what happened to him. I looked under all the furniture that Llyr sometimes loses toys under and couldn't fine him anywhere. I've decided that Llyr must have eaten him. The second Mousey is grey-green and if Llyr is in a playing mood, he will chase him pretty readily and bat him around. He likes to lick Mousey's feather tail.

Mr. Fox

Mr. Fox was a Christmas present from us to Llyr. You can see Llyr playing with him on Christmas day in our Christmas post. Llyr played heartily with Mr. Fox early on. As you can see, he tore his nose off and even destroyed the front squeaker in his head. I liked to place the fox on Llyr like a stole, and that would usually provoke Llyr to yank him off and bite him a little. He also likes chasing him, but we don't do that as often now as when we first gave him to Llyr. All in all, Llyr seems to like to attack Mr. Fox if we shake him around, or especially if we throw him in Llyr's tunnel. No one goes in there without immediately being checked out by Llyr, and usually jumped after. Sometimes the visitor gets to stay, but sometimes not.


Those are Llyr's everyday buddies and I hope they make his life as a solitary housecat a little more enjoyable. Luckily, Llyr has recently been able to meet a real-life kitty friend who comes over once a week to visit. I think Llyr likes her a lot, but she's very active and likes to provoke him to fight, usually playfully (of course, to be fair, Llyr starts the fights some of the time). Sometimes, once the night is over and he is exhausted, I think Llyr is happy that throughout the week his closest friends are quiet and soft, take all of his attacks without fighting back, and are only ready to play when he is.